we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
