Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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