Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
