A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize