Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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