i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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