hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
