So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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