it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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