ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
