Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
