I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
i think my cat just said my name.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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