Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
