i would punch a child for taco bell
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize