So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
