Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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