I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
