My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
