so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
