So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
