Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
