nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
