My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
