he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
