im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
