What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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