I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
