i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize