After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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