Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Randomize