Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
