I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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