I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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