We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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