Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
