this boner is exhausting
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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