tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I AM VODKA MAN
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
