i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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