As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
