I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
