This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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