already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
