dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
