3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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