I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
