I hate your face
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
