he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
