erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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