: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
