it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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