Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
