So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
