the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
