Umm I'm too high to move.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
