Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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