so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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