Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
