I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
