I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
