does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
