Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Houston, we have a squirter
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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