Plan B is the new Plan A
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
