I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
