Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
