were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
