i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
