I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
