She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
