The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
